#1: Hold Steady & Just Listen

I Didn’t Fix It — But I Stayed

I used to think that being a “good man” meant having the answers.
Solving the problem. Staying calm. Holding it all together.

But each time I don’t fix her tears—don’t rush in with advice, or a plan— I feel something shift.

Earlier this month, on an evening that was supposed to be romantic and sexy, my partner was charged up with emotions about a work situation that wasn’t going the way she’d planned. She was overwhelmed with uncertainty and anxious emotions.

I had ideas, for sure. I felt the strong urge to solve it for her.

But I tried something counterintuitive for men - and for me.

I just sat down with her and listened.

In that moment, I stopped trying to be useful… and became present.

She felt safe. She felt heard. She felt that I stayed.

Another example was even more challenging.

Recently, I said something that was out of bounds. Let’s just say she strongly disagreed with my request. (Has that ever happened to you?)

I could see her pulling away, her heart shutting down and her body language pulling back.

I felt the need to convince her.

But, again, I tried the practice of stillness. We sat across each other on the floor and I just listened.

In that moment, I stopped trying to be right … and became present.

After a few minutes of steady presence, she felt safe to share from her heart. We reconnected. I reaffirmed my commitment to her peace, her wellbeing - and to our love.

Of course, this has always been a great tool for my kids. They often said “Daddy, I don’t need you to fix it. Just listen.”

Each time I listened, their hearts opened. They trusted that I was there for them.

Nothing to change. Just being present.

How does this resonate with you?

Presence Over Performance

In relationships, especially between masculine and feminine dynamics, we men often fall into roles:

• “Protector”

• “Fixer”

• “Soother”

But beneath those roles is a deeper truth:

Presence is the real protector. 

Presence says, I’m here. I see you. I’m not going anywhere.

Most feminine partners aren’t asking you to solve things for them.

They’re asking: Can I feel safe with you? Are you present for me?

Practice
HOLDING EACH OTHER IN PRESENCE

Tonight, or sometime this week, try this with your partner.

Sit face-to-face. One minute of silence, eyes open.

Men: Soften your jaw, breathe from your belly.
Women: Let your breath move you—shoulders, face, chest.

Then, take turns and, for 1 minute each, speak these phrases to each other:

• “What I feel right now is…”

• “What I wish you knew is…”

Don’t interrupt. Don’t solve. Don’t act.

Just witness. Fully witness your partner. Hold the whole precious being in your presence.

Be the still point.

“To love is to recognize;
to be loved is to be recognized by the other.”
― Thich Nhat Hanh, True Love: A Practice for Awakening the Heart

Want to go deeper?

If you’ve ever felt that what your partner really needs is your full presence, you’re not alone. This short piece from Psychology Today explores new research showing how simply listening can improve communication, reduce conflict, and strengthen emotional connection in relationships.

Presence isn’t about soft lighting or cozy aesthetics. It’s about showing up, fully and honestly. This Beginner’s Guide to Being Present offers a refreshingly real take on what it means to be present in everyday life.

I’d love to know…

What opened up for you as you read this?
Did you feel closer to each other—or to yourself?
What does presence look like for you right now?

Just reply to this email.

I’d love to hear about your experiences, your challenges, and your new-found intimacy.

I read and feel every response.

Wishing you love,
Leo

PS: If you haven’t already downloaded your free guide,
click here to get 3 Presence Practices for Couples

HELD: In presence, in love, in truth.