#4: Hold the Love, Release the Plan

Choosing Presence

Sometimes what throws us off is not what happens, but the way we cling to how we thought things should go.

Parenting will test every expectation we’ve ever had. Holidays. Schedules. The quiet fantasies we build around togetherness and love. And in those moments—especially the charged ones—we’re offered a choice. Control, or peace. Tension, or trust.

This is a story about choosing presence, even when plans go sideways.

My Father’s Day 2025 - Not What I Expected

This Father’s Day, I had pictured something simple and beautiful. A picnic in the park. A quiet hike with my son. Some shared time, just the two of us.

Instead, that morning he told me he had a mandatory tech rehearsal for his play.

On Father’s Day. No way around it.

At first, I felt outraged.

“Who would schedule that on a day meant for fathers and sons to be together?!”

As I read his text, I caught myself spinning into frustration, disappointment, tension rising in my body. The voice in my head was loud and dramatic: This isn’t how it’s supposed to be!

But then I paused. I realized I had a decision to make.

There was nothing I could do. Telling him my disappointment would only make him feel bad. And it would ruin my precious time with him.

So, would I let my idea of a perfect afternoon hold me hostage to a bad mood? Would I let my unmet expectations define the day?

Or would I soften? Could I let go? Could I allow the day to unfold on its own terms?

I chose peace.

I let the outrage move through. I didn’t feed it. I breathed through the disappointment. I reminded myself that these feelings would pass if I didn’t grip them too tightly, if I didn’t lock them into a story.

At noon, before his rehearsal, we went to enjoy a great brunch together. It turned out to be a precious time to connect. We laughed. We talked. I asked him about his play, his upcoming exams, the music he’s been recording lately. We were there with each other, fully. I even tried a dish I’d never had before.

We were not distracted. Not under a cloud of anger or dissatisfaction. Just together. Present.

Later, while he was at practice, I went to the park alone. I didn’t let the story of a “lonely Father’s Day” spoil the calm.

I found a spot under a tree, opened my journal, and wrote. I reflected. I rested. I called my older two kids who are far away. I talked to my dad. I reached out to friends. And I let the quiet become company.

Something gentle opened in that space. I was okay celebrating myself on Father’s Day. My peace, my wins, my love as a Dad in a long chain of dads.

That evening, my son and I reconnected and went to see The Life of Chuck. It turned out to be a stunning, unexpected film that affirmed everything I had been practicing all day. That our lives are made of small choices. That we create a universe with those choices. Through each of our choices, our memories, and our actions. We’re all just here a short while. So, what kind of life will I choose to create?

This Father’s Day, I chose. I said no to stories and expectations. I said YES to peace and love.

After the movie, we shared more time together. Still soft. Still connected. I could feel that he knew I was there for him, fully. I knew he was there too. No tension between us. Just peace. Just presence. The love of a father and a son, sharing the surprises of a precious life together.

THE TAKEAWAY

Parenting is not about curating perfect moments. It’s about being fully present for the ones we’re given.

We choose to let go of control and still be deeply rooted.

We can let our emotions pass through without clinging to them. We can return to love again and again, not through effort, but through awareness.

Peace doesn’t mean checking out. It means choosing not to fight the moment.

Practice
WHAT WOULD BRING MORE PEACE?

Next time you feel the pull of frustration -when plans fall apart, when an event disrupts what you envisioned, when someone you love reacts in a way you didn’t expect - know this: It is perfectly normal to want stability. We are creatures of habit. Our brains need predictability. So it’s okay to feel a resistance.

The question is what will you do with those feelings. After all, change is inevitable. So what choices will you make?

When you feel that pull of frutration due to something unexpected, try this practice: Pause, Breathe, Play… for Peace.

1. Pause. Feel your feet on the ground. Feel your fingertips. Feel you breath entering and leaving your chest.

2. Take 3 deep breaths. Then two more.

3. Playfully so something unexpected and fun. Jump 10 times. Shake your arms like they’re made of jello. Give someone a nice long hug.
   

4. Before you say anything else, ask yourself: What would peace choose now?

Then allow yourself to follow that answer.

It may reveal a new version of the moment, a version that is surprising, more quiet, and more peaceful.

DO YOU WANT TO GO DEEPER?

Navigating the Rapid Currents of Change
This short article from Psychology Today reminds us that change is constant, and resisting it only creates more suffering. By staying grounded in presence and letting go of the need to control outcomes, we can meet change with steadiness and even grace. Great perspectives and practices.

5 Buddhist Lessons On Leaning Into Change & Uncertainty To End Suffering
Change and uncertainty are part of life, but when we meet them with presence, curiosity, and compassion, we stop adding extra suffering. Instead of clinging or resisting, we can soften, stay with what is, and let transformation happen from within.

I’d love to know…

In your life, are there times when things don’t go as expected?
Can these practices help you open your heart to new possibilities?
Are there other ways to hold the present moment, exactly as it is?

I’d love to hear about your experiences, your challenges, and your new-found intimacy with those around you.

Just reply to this email; I read and feel every response.

Wishing you love,
Leo

PS: If you’d like support in practicing presence with those you love and going with the flow, feel free to reach out.

HELD: In presence, in love, in truth.